Calling A Spade A Spade vs. Badmouthing

Envy and jealousy are very common among humans,

but they don't need to be.  There is plenty of room

for everyone.  Earn your own reward, never mind

what the other guy is doing, and you'll be amazed

at how your resentment will vanish.  That's not to

be confused with calling B.S. what it is, the trick is

to know the difference.

In case I didn’t make it clear before now, I detest political correctness with a vengeance.  One aspect of political correctness is, “Never say anything bad about anybody”, and, “If you don’t have anything good to say, then don’t say anything”.  Clever way to muzzle us, wouldn’t you say?

First, I’ll need to bring honesty back into the picture.  If you have the ability to be totally honest, you’ll know the difference between calling something what it is, and badmouthing.  Pointing out crappy behavior is a necessity, it contributes to bettering the world.  Badmouthing, as with many bad behaviors, is based in self loathing.  We don’t care how the family across the street lives, as long as they’re not hurting anyone, impeding anyone’s progress, or intruding on anyone’s personal space or private property.  We don’t care what haircut they wear, what color their skin is, what god they believe in, what car they drive, we don’t concern ourselves with their life preferences are.  Now, we do care if they are abusing animals, or children, or blaring their music for everybody within five miles to hear, or if they’re racing through the parking lot, endangering other people’s lives.  We care when somebody steals from us, we care when they try to tell us how to live, we care when we are being oppressed.  Also as mentioned before, anger is a perfectly natural emotion.  The hard part is figuring out when to speak up, when to defend ourselves, and when to shut up and walk away.  My compass tells me that when I can speak up with a reasonable amount of being safe, then speak up.  The other part is a little more complicated.  There are times when you’ll think your life may be in danger, or there may be a threat of getting on the wrong side of the law.  For me, it depends on the situation.  If it’s some small time scenario, where it’s maybe a person or two involved, well, seems to me it’s not worth risking my safety, my life, or my not going to prison.  Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t believe that what is “Legal” has anything to do with what’s right or wrong, I’m just saying you don’t want to risk going to prison because you end up in a situation where you’re dealing with one lowlife in the street.  And believe me, the laws are always on the side of people who seek to cause grief for others, and it continues to get worse in that department, not better.  For me, if you’re going to risk your safety, your life, or your freedom, it better be for a cause that will make it worth whatever consequence you may face.  Also keep in mind, the kind of person who goes out in public and looks for people to bully – you can bet he’s not doing it unarmed, or without carefully pre-planning the whole scenario – complete with video of you, your vehicle, your location, and whatever else needed for him to prove his case.  I mention this because we all know how difficult it is to deal with a bully and a smartass – they’re out there for one reason, and one reason only – to wreak havoc on any person they choose as their target.  So, a noisy neighbor, best to try to find a way to shield yourself from them.  If that doesn’t work, consider moving.  Another thing I’ve learned is that going to any authority figure – management, police, etc., rarely does any good, and only serves to make things worse for you.  In a situation that is on big enough scale that you think it’s worth risking something, do it, but be prepared for the opposition to play dirty, and try to have a plan in place to counter the dirty tactics you will certainly encounter.  An old girlfriend told me once, “If you think anybody is ever going to fight you straight up, you’re naïve”.  Boy, did she ever get THAT right – keep that in mind.

As for badmouthing, slander, whatever you want to call it, if you are taking part in that, you’ll need to take a look at yourself – and I mean an honest look.  Inevitably, it will be because you are envious, jealous, or threatened by the person you’re trying to take down.  Envy and jealousy comes from self loathing.  If you are the kind of person who doesn’t think he or she should work for something, earn it in an honest way, you do not have the right to take it, steal it, sneak it, bully the person you resent, or cause grief or loss for that person in any way.  This is a problem that is yours, and yours alone.  If this is your behavior, well, it’s probably something you learned very young.  Maybe your parents were hard on you, and you perceived it as an attack.  Maybe other kids made fun of you, and you took it seriously.  Maybe you had everything handed to you, and later on you assume that you are entitled to live that way.  Maybe you were taught that other people are in this life to serve you, and you believe it.  Whatever the reason, it’s something that you need to fix – again, this is your problem, not anybody else’s.  As you probably know by now, most traumas occur in early childhood.  The same applies here.  If you are fortunate enough to see that being entitled, jealous, envious, lazy, are not going to pay off for you in the long run (and most often in the short run), you’ll want to change that behavior.  What I mean by “not paying off for you” is that no matter how much material “wealth” you may acquire, you’re still miserable.  This is a law of the universe, you’ll never be able to defy it – greed and lust for power will never bring any semblance of joy or happiness.  People may fear you, but they’ll scoff at you when you’re not there.  If you choose to be this way, well, so be it, my philosophy is for people who want to do good things for the universe – and one thing for sure, not every person will want to do that.  So, if you do want to change this, you want to be happy, live life with joy and passion, rid yourself of malicious and vindictive behavior – it’s not that difficult, and the rewards are endless.  The change is not something you can just tell yourself to do, it takes some amount of effort.

I stumbled across a method of healing my body, I won’t get into that here, but the same principle works with changing an attitude.  On that, I’ve never been able to tell myself to change an attitude, and have it just magically happen.  When I see that the attitude is harming me, it changes by itself.  So, if you can understand that malicious behavior, vindictive behavior, jealousy, and envy, are causing you grief, chances are it will change.  Now, for some folks, you can change it by doing the mind clearing technique – whether it be meditation, chanting, yoga, or whatever else.  The basic premise is to clear your mind, and allow the new idea to enter.  While you’re in the state of a clear mind, you can bring in the idea that it’s the right thing to do to earn whatever it is you think you deserve – whatever it is that another person has that you want.  Whether you perceive the person having earned his reward or not – it’s not up to you to decide that.  You can feel disgusted, angry, resentful, but acting on it – you just don’t have the right to do that.  Instead, learn the behavior of earning your compensation – whatever that may be.  Also keep in mind that the universe is random, and you won’t always perceive things as being “fair”.  Also keep in mind what was stated earlier – that greed, vengeance, malice – if you’re witnessing people who are taking part in any of that, they are creating their own misery, their own prison – so don’t concern yourself with administering justice – that stuff will take care of itself – no matter what you might think you see, believe me, that stuff will take care of itself.  So, no competing, no administering justice, no trying to take down another person, just do what you do.  Keep in mind, you will not be perfect, but you’ll get better at it as you go.  Me, personally, I live by this most of the time, but when I see my own perceived “unfairness”, I don’t always handle it with finesse and grace – I’m in the process of learning, just like everybody else.  There will be times when it’s difficult to know the difference between crappy behavior, and your own perception of unfairness.  The more honest you’re willing to be, the better of you’ll be.

So, don’t be afraid to call B.S. what it is, provided you weigh the worth of your actions.  Be careful not to allow your own jealousy or envy to cause you to do something to another person that they don’t deserve.  Again, if you can be completely honest, you won’t be victim to your own feelings of envy and jealousy.  Again again, you won’t be perfect, if you screw up, learn, apologize, make amends, and move on.

Take from here what applies to you.  Read as many times as necessary, and be good to yourself.