“I Don’t Care What Other People Think!”…

Some would look down on this homeless man.  Does he
look sad to you?  He doesn't have the stresses that society
forces onto us.  He doesn't concern himself with what other
people think.  He will live his life his way, and while others
may belittle him, he will continue doing what he does, and
the only people who will feel bad will be the ones trying to
belittle him.

Most often, when this statement is uttered, it’s nothing more than a defensive move – a move that generally means the opposite.  If you’re going to be able to handle life, handle being around people, you’ll need to learn that anything another person thinks has absolutely no bearing on who or what you are.  You need to learn this – not to be confused with convincing yourself, but learn it.

From the day we are born, we are hammered with the notion that we must do what “society” dictates, we must be politically correct, we must be “acceptable”, and we must be “positive”.  So, the question is, who gets to decide what is politically correct, acceptable, or positive, the thought police, the government, your favorite celebrity?  The answer is, none of the above.  When you assign yourself that task, everything becomes clear, you realize that anything and everything that other people say about you says everything about them, and nothing about you.  What it says about the other person or persons is that they are suffering from a severe case of self loathing – yes, it means that person hates him or herself.  The objective is to bring you down, so they can elevate themselves – this is a cheap tactic used by many people – and it becomes more and more rampant with every day that goes by – in other words, more and more people are taking part in it, and the level is ever increasing.  Should you take part in it, you are not elevating yourself, you are doing the exact opposite – you are sinking lower and lower – and the more vicious you become, the smaller of a person you become – thus becoming part of the problem.  One of the things that many people seem to miss is that there is room for every level of talent, ability, and work.  When you learn to accept precisely who you are – with your virtues and flaws firmly in place, seeking to learn from mistakes, to better yourself when the opportunity presents itself, you’ll see that only you can decide that you’re just fine.  This does not mean you can be lazy and hide behind “This is just who I am”.  Chronic laziness is not a virtue, and it will cause you grief and frustration beyond your wildest imagination.  The thing with work is, like anything else, it may be difficult to start, but once you start, your new routine becomes your new way, and it will soon become part of who you are.  Other people are not born with a gene that makes them work harder – they had to put out the effort.  Yes, some people are born with certain talents that may give the appearance that they are superior – especially when you look at what your beloved media does with people who have very little talent, do very little work, and seem to be able to get away with anything and everything.  What you don’t see is that such people are fighting their own demons – their lives may appear to be peachy and wonderful, but take my word for it, it is anything but.  Nobody’s life is peachy and wonderful – including yours, the idea is to learn to be in life, enjoy the path, enjoy the journey, enjoy what is all around you.  If you look at your surroundings with anger and resentment, you’ll likely see mostly unpleasant things.  That’s not to say that if you have a “positive” attitude, and you walk around with a silly smile on your face, you’ll have a great life – contrary to some of the ridiculous cliches you hear, it doesn’t work that way.  The ones who are the happiest are the ones who learn that life is just what it is, good, bad, and everything in between.  In fact, you may learn at some point that there really are no “good” things or “bad” things, just things.  At first glance, this sounds insane, but if you can step back and look at the big picture, you’ll begin to make sense of such a seemingly crazy idea.  I, myself, haven’t quite mastered this, but I’m a lot closer than I was as recently as five years ago, and as more recently as two years ago.  Try to also keep in mind that life is not perfect, it is not peachy, the idea is to learn to live life as it is, taking what presents itself, trying to use that to your advantage.  Many times there will be an advantage, a good element, other times not, you just need to keep moving, and understand that it’s all part of the journey.  You might even learn to enjoy to some degree, the unpleasant things – things you perceive as unpleasant.  For example, your girlfriend breaks up with you, you’re sad, down, so you go for a walk.  You’d be surprised what you can find during that walk.  Not saying the hurt will magically disappear, but there can be other things that will present themselves, you can see them, or you can not – depends on whether or not you’re open to it.  Take enough walks (both figuratively and literally), and one day you’ll wake up and the hurt will be gone.

Most people do not like “Being in their own head”.  Meaning, they don’t like being alone with their thoughts.  Funny thing, when a person is thrust into a situation where he or she has no other choice but to do such a dreaded thing, more often than not, they will see that it’s not so bad after all.  People who feel the need to surround themselves with other people do so because they need that validation – they crave being told how wonderful they are, which, no matter how much, and from how many, it’s never enough – simply because they have not validated themselves, they’ve not accepted who or what they are, and that makes them miserable.  You will likely never get them to admit such a thing, so save yourself the grief of getting into it with anyone, the only one who will need to learn this is you – I know, sounds corny, but well, most will fight you to the death on it, and you’ll be barking up the wrong tree – that tree needs to be you.  Should you ever honestly and realistically reach the point where you do not concern yourself with what other people think, nobody will be able to bully you, insult you, belittle you, or otherwise bring you down.  Think about the school aged boys and girls who say mean things to and about others.  Think about how horrible it seems to a teenager to have their “reputation” “ruined” on Facebook, think about how terrible it is to have a picture of them in some kind of compromising situation – it would seem like the end of the world.  Ya know what, though, it’s not – as long as you honestly know who and what you are, nothing any person does will matter, you’ll get past it, you might even laugh at it, and you neutralize any cheap thrill that such people might otherwise get at your expense.  Now, I’m not advising you to pretend not to care, you need to learn to honestly not care, not be concerned, be ok with who and what you are.  There is a late night TV talk show, where the host finds celebrities and has them read some of the dimwitted, mean spirited tweets in front of the camera – to be broadcast to the whole world.  They do it, I even heard our current president do it, and they all, including the audience, laugh at it, and they laugh at themselves.  Imagine how small the people who tweet such nonsense feel when their dimwitted B.S. gets made fun of, and when they see that the people they’re trying to bring down are laughing about it, and laughing at it.  If you can arrive at such a place in your own mind, I say again, you disarm such people; in fact, you give them the exact opposite feeling that they were looking for.

So, if you are willing to put out the effort to do something you love doing, that you deem constructive, something worthwhile to the universe, work at it, get good at it, study it, then you can honestly be proud of it. I’m not talking about false pride, I mean pride where you know you’re doing something decent, find that, and you’ll learn to be ok with yourself.  One last thought, not a good idea to compare yourself or your life to other people, no person’s life can be compared to another – the only result will be that you’ll be frustrated.  Keeping in mind that what you see of another person’s life will only be a small part – the part he or she wants others to see, you see that, and you’ll sink deeper and deeper into depression, envy, jealousy, and many other destructive states of mind.  Look at your own life, all the parts of your life, understand that life is what it is, that contrary to what some would have you believe, you actually don’t have much control over it, and you’ll start to see that what’s around you can be fun, exhilarating and even rewarding.